did you get engaged???
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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