The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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