living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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