I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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