The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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