weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
