oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
