so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sarcasm needs its own font
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
