Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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