that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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