even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am available for nakedness
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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