i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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