Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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