And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
