Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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