I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
