no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
