if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize