Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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