Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
