I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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