Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize