Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
