i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
