Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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