you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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