do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
