I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
