Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
