Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
