After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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