i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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