New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
