I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
