I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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