she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
