You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I smell stomach acid.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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