Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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