Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
