What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
