Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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