There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
