I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
