did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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