You made me cry and you don't even care
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
