i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
