Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Every concussion has its silver lining
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
