Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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