I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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