This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this will be a night to untag.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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