I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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