I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
