His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
