Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Randomize
