I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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