is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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