There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
