I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize