I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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