it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
