She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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