im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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