She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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