I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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