Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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