no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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