Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
