She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
