Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
