You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
