Screwed.edu
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
